you know that you need it

i know that you need it
i know that you don't need to me to repeat it
everything i have to give, i'll give to you
it's not like we planned it, you tried to stay
but you could not stand it
to see you shut down so slow
as though it was an easy thing to do

listen when
all of this around us will fall over
i'll tell you what we're gonna do
you will shelter me, my love
and i, i will shelter you

i left you heartbroken
but not until those very words were spoken
has anybody ever made such a fool out of you?
it's so hard to believe it
even as our eyes do see it
the very things that made you live, are killing you

we will shelter you
i will shelter you
we will pray with you, shelter you
we'll shelter you


listen when, all of this around us has fallin' down
i will shelter you

Tell me why

I may be mad
I may be blind
I may be viciously unkind

This is the book I never read
These are the words I never said
This is the path I'll never tread
These are the dreams I'll dream instead
This is the joy that's seldom spread
These are the tears... The tears we shed
This is the fear
This is the dread
These are the contents of my head
And these are the years that we have spent
And this is what they represent
And this is how I feel
Do you know how I feel ?
'Cause i don't think you know how I feel

How many times do I have to try to tell you
That I'm sorry for the things I've done
But when I start to try to tell you
That's when you have to tell me
Hey... this kind of trouble's only just begun
I tell myself too many times
Why don't you ever learn to keep your big mouth shut
That's why it hurts so bad to hear the words
That keep on falling from your mouth

I may be mad
I may be blind
I may be viciously unkind
But I can still read what you're thinking
And I've heard is said too many times
That you'd be better off


Why, Tell me why

Close your eyes

I don’t mind, waiting here, I know you’re coming even though the others laugh I hear But I’m not born to get by, we said forever so I’m standing here I’m standing here And I don’t mind. You would never leave me behind If you break I’ll break too When you’re lonely, I’ll hold on to you I see you closer now But I won’t give up now I’m gonna fight, for you tonight Close your eyes You might fall. And I might cry Cover the bruises I refuse to let this tear apart our lives Others talk, let them talk Love isn’t easy but it’s worth it again you’re worth again No I don’t mind, I could never leave you behind If you break I’ll break too When you’re lonely, I’ll hold on to you I see you closer now But I won’t give up now I’m gonna fight, for you tonight Close your eyes And I’m, kissing you Kiss away those fears you hold on to And I feel it too And if you start to fall I promise I’ll go with you No I don’t mind, waiting here, I know you’re coming even though the others laugh I hear but I’m not born to get by, we said forever so I’m standing here I’m standing here If you break I’ll break too When you’re lonely, I’ll hold on to you I see you closer now But I won’t give up now I’m gonna fight, for you tonight Close your eyes Yeah close your eyes Close your eyes Close your eyes

LOOOVE this song
it hasn't been released yet but apparently the demo got stolen and put up on youtube!
it just gives me more faith that kelly will be singing for the rest of her life

yeah, it's all for you

loooooooking forward to coming home. god damn yes i am. i can not wait until i can see my family and friends and just hug them to death! really really HUG THEM TO DEATH, I will cause them serious damage to their bodies! the week is planned with many people dropping by and saying hi!

the parents are laying in the sofa sleeping while the movie is just starting again, and in a while the kids will be back. i don't know if i am baby sitting or not tonight, they are not very clear about that. they are not as good of an family as i thought they were. and i am very happy that i am leaving them i must say, the kids are alright but the parents just get on my nerves. last night i was on the ground of going crazy. i needed to get out of the house. and out of the house i got!

the girls took me out, and we had a great time if you discard kevin (fatimas kind of boyfriend) that stood her up twice. haha, so now she is giving him the boot! ended up being a nice night after all. aurora is going home as well, on Wednesday so it wasn't just my goodbye night.. fatima is pretty upset that both of us are leaving.. there isn't really anyone else here she knows and she isn't going home over christmas so it's going to be a bit lonely for her but in january she is starting school so she will find friends there hopefully!!

see you soon!

jullov

mina milano töser

i miss them! it's sad to leave and here in bushey i've found friends as well. and it's sad to leave them too. i told aurora today and she started to cry, don't really like to make her cry.

but the family is going to ask her tonight when she gets here if she wants to move in here and work here instead of the other family who she doens't really like..

we will see how it goes.

booked tickets anyhow. going early as hell on tuesday morning. will be home around sixish in SVEDALA

i'm coming home

on tuesday probably.

my knees are too bad, i need to go home and fix them. i can't do my job here. so i'm coming home and i am going to the bottom of this knee shiiit and THEN if there is time before i go to school i will go back here and see them again!

doctor

been to the doctor, they think it's serious. but they are first going to test me for everything that you can test a poor au pair for.. on thursday. then we'll see what comes next. worse case scenario i'm gonna have to go home to really go in for it to fix my knees. i knew that this time would come but yeah not yet..

i'm unworthy, i can see you're above me

shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit SHIT

my knees are fucked up, AGAIN. and this time it is baad. it feels like the last time i fell and almost broke my leg off, (not really but almost) but this time in both knees. it's always worse in the right knee but it's not a big difference now. I've been lying down and sitting down all day, it hurts to move my foot. FUCK! i hate my knees more than anything right now. this always fucking happens. i hate it i hate it! If it's not better by tomorrow the dad is going to take me to the hospital to get someone to look at it, hopefully it will be alright or something..

I'm nineteen years old and i feel like an old lady who can't do anything because of her bad hip. CAN SOMEONE GIVE ME A HIP REPLACEMENT PLEASE?!

Hur svensk är du?
[x ] Ditt efternamn slutar på -son
[x ] Du känner någon som har samma förnamn som du
[x ] Du känner någon utanför din släkt som har samma efternamn som du
[x ] I din familj är ni 2 barn
[ ] Du bor i villa
[x ] Dina föräldrar är mellan 35-50 år gamla
[ ] Dina föräldrar är gifta
[x ] Din mamma är yngre än din pappa
[ ] Din pappa heter Lars
[ ] Din mamma heter Anna
[ ] Din familj har en Volvo
[x ] Din familj har en silvergrå eller röd bil
[x ] Du har tillgång till Internet hemma
[x ] Du har egen mobiltelefon
[ x] Du har ett eget rum
[x ] Du har varit utomlands minst 2 gånger
[ ] Du har varit på Mallorca/Kanarieöarna
[x ] Du har varit i Grekland
[ ] Du har varit på Gotland minst 2 gånger
[ ] Du har varit på husvagnssemester minst 2 gånger
[ ] Din familj har en husvagn
[x ] Ingen av dina föräldrar röker
[ ] Din pappa är lite lätt överviktig
[ ] Du idrottar flera dagar i veckan
[ x] Du har husdjur
[ ] Du får månadspeng
[ ] De flesta i din familj är blåögda
[ x] Du äter McDonalds
[x ] Du följer Melodifestivalen

16/29

he's got a fast car

Big night yesterday!

Me and Aurora met up around nine o'clock, went to the supermarket and then found a Spanish specialty and an Italian specialty. Cava and Lambrusco. So we bought and drank. The bottles went FAST. Felt like ten minutes but I'm sure it was three hours! Then we went in to Watford and were trying to get in to a club. Couldn't because I was wearing trainers... Good country this one..

After a while we got in to a club/bar don't really know what it is, that's called Kandi Bar. Had a freaking good time, ended up dancing close to the funniest guy there. He wasn't dancing, he was doing "moves" all the time. If he wasn't spinning the basketball on his finger, he was fishing, or doing the lawnmower. We ended up "Playing" both basketball and volleyball. Really funny really. Then the place closed up at two (tooooo early) and we went to grab a taxi, then the fucking police shows up and arrests this random guy, and puts handcuffs and pulls down to the ground and everything, a little bit scary I must say, but the guy was laughing his ass off the entire time so I'm thinking that he was either stoned or really drunk.

Found a taxi that would bring us back to my place, and this guy wants the taxi then realizes that we're getting in it and says sorry. I asked if they were going to Bushey, and he said that they were going somewhere oxey something. "aaaaah sorry, wrong way" (I have noooo idea where that is..) then we got invited to a party which I turned down without even thinking about it. And realized when I was IN the taxi that he was goodlooking. Turned and asked Aurora if she wanted to go, which she didn't so instead of a party somewhere in England with hot blokes it was a frozen pizza in my kitchen. That wasn't very bad, don't get me wrong, but I need to meet more people!!

3.30 I went to bed, woke up 12.55 today, OOPS, church??? That didn't happen. Simone and Martyn said that He would forgive me, which he will. Since he knows that if I go out Saturday night I am in no shape of going to church Sunday morning... And he still loves me :D

Aurora and me are getting really close, we are GOOD together. We have so much fun! It is really nice to have gotten a friend after only a week here. The best part is that we live five minutes walk from each other.

This family is very very nice. They want me to rather ask Aurora to spend the night here than we walk home alone. And Aurora wasn't feeling very well yesterday afternoon so she wasn't sure if she wanted to go out or not so Sim asked me to ask her over here and since Sim and Martyn were going out we could be here alone and just hang out. And an hour after she told me that she was going up the stairs to get dressed and almost yelled down the stairs "CALL AURORA AND TELL HER TO COME OVER". That wouldn't of happened in my old family. Feels good. Haha, I am so tired so I think I'm gonna go to bed for an hour or two more and just read or something.

Andra advent idag. :)